I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
