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If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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