That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
