is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
