we have pet lesbian snakes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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