I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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