OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
