Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
