Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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