tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
