What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize