i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
