i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
