i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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