Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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