This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
