i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
