I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
