she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
