why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
