We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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