i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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