if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
