you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
