Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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