I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
