She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
