does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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