is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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