Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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