Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
