hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
