I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
