my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
