What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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