he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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