If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
