We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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