oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
