Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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