is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
