bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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