i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
