I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
