you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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