He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
