I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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