...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
