just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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