It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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