I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
