so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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