Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
