she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
