my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He shit in the fireplace
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