What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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