I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
