I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
