Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
