i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
