im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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