I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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