She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
