I got chris browned last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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