absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the day after is always just damage control
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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