Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
