no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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