I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize