just come out here and I will go home with you...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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