did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
