Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
