I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Text me some of your sweat
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
