Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
