Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
