It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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