I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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