If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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