I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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