Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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