What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
